It is human nature to want to rid ourselves of pain; of heartache. To drown out the intensity of our sorrow with an equal intensity; one which often may not serve our highest good.
Most of us have been conditioned to run from pain, push it down, bury it deep down inside of us, distract ourselves, numb ourselves and keep it to ourselves in fear of burdening others.
I write this post with a heavy heart but a lightness of soul; an inner knowing and sense of trust that even amongst the heartache I feel, I know that I will be ok and will emerge with the gift of a fresh perception and increased awareness.
These past few months have been a time of complete change for me; of heartache, confusion, loss and transition in all areas of life.
Triggered by a relationship breakdown with a man I love/ the father of my son, followed by moving countries and all of the changes that come with this, I have found myself not only experiencing the pain and heartache of grieving the relationship and the dreams, hopes and visions of our future together, but in giving myself the space to finally feel everything that has yearned to be felt for a long time, I’ve found myself dealing with past pain that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel over the years.
This has been painful, extremely uncomfortable and I have found myself in a state of deep unrest, restlessness and anxiety.
I have felt 1000 emotions in one day and I have felt nothingness.
It has felt like a death of sorts; a complete unravelling and a journey into the dark unknown.
I believe there are many gifts in the experience of pain and in the journey of the unknown and in honour of those who may be experiencing/ yet to experience something similar, I have put together 5 (of the many) learnings from my journey for you to ponder on if you wish.
1.Allow yourself to ‘sit in the pain’ for a time.
Lean into it. Breathe into it and allow whatever needs to come up to come up. Pain is uncomfortable and as human beings we are wired to avoid it at all costs but pain is unavoidable and is a necessary part of the creative process of life. If we allow it to move through us, it can be our greatest teacher.
It has helped me immensely to use this time of my life to go inward; a time of observation or reflection.
I have spent the past few months clearing the energetic space of everything in my life and getting back to basics; because, to be completely honest, basics is all I’ve really been able to manage and it is what my soul has craved.
I have cleared my schedule, limited my time around people and in busy places, decluttered and purified my mind and my environment and allowed myself the space to be sad when I need to be sad.
I have learnt that everything in life and the creative process ebbs and flows and there is a time for outward expression and a time for inward contemplation and rest.
When we view the painful periods in our life as an opportunity to rest, grieve, release and heal, we are able to deal with what needs to be dealt with, to sense the gift of the building and releasing of energy and see the sadness as a passing process; one that will soon be followed by a newness, clarity, new perceptions and a cycle of outward creative expression which always follows the cycle of inward contemplation.
2. Provide space for stillness and solitude.
Breathe, meditate, be with nature.
In stillness and nature you will find clarity.
Stillness allows us to come back to the ground of our own bodies; to tune in to ourselves, pay attention to what we are experiencing and provides us with the space to nurture, hold, and be with ourselves. I have my greatest insights and moments of complete clarity and trust when I sit alone in stillness.
It can be easy to make excuses about why we have no time, energy, space (insert excuse here) to sit alone in stillness or meditation but deep down we know that we ALWAYS have the time to do the things we prioritise most in our lives, so why not prioritise yourself?
Over these past few months, I have woken at 5:30am before my toddler and sat on my balcony watching the sky. My mornings have been intentionally set aside as my time to be with me before the rest of the world wakes.
I have watched the sun rise, gazed at the birds and closed my eyes whilst breathing in the fresh morning air; and never have I felt more alive and at peace within myself. Never have I felt so deeply connected to universal love, divine trust and content surrender as I have in these moments of early morning meditation.
I have used this time to sip on my hot lemon drink (or coffee) and journal on the clarity that comes through to me in these moments of stillness.
If there’s one thing I could leave you with from this post, it would be to find your time of solitude in every day and prioritise it just as you prioritise taking a shower each day. If it is so important to clean and cleanse our bodies daily, then shouldn’t it be even more important to clean and cleanse our soul and mind?
3. Embrace your lifelines.
Think of 5 things that lift you up; the things that make you feel most alive, connected and nurtured. These things aren’t to be used as a ‘distraction’ from what you are feeling, but as a way to introduce harmony, balance and self-care through the difficult times.
My 5 lifelines are meditation, nature, writing, exercise and music.
If you’re unsure of what your lifelines are, think of the things that bring you back to a higher place; out of your mud and back to the top of your mountain.
What supports you to feel nurtured and nourished?
Turn to these things when you feel called to and as an alternative to turning to unhealthy crutches that may serve as a way to numb and distract yourself from what you are feeling.
4. Practice self-compassion.
We are human and we are NOT always going to get it ‘right’ (I use this term loosely because what is ‘right’ anyway?)
We live and we learn so remember to allow space for the ‘f*#k ups and know that your lower personality may rear its head at times.
Sometimes you need to experience ‘misalignment’ to truly discover what ‘alignment’ is for you.
My lower nature has not known what to do with the pain I have experienced at times and I have witnessed my ego attempting to find ways to distract myself from it, numb myself and run for the hills in more ways than one.
But my higher self was always there; waiting patiently without judgement and holding me in love, just as yours is.
You see, most of us have never been taught how to deal with pain or how to tolerate it. We were never told that pain is energy and that energy can be released through moving the body, through crying, through screaming, through creative self-expression. Sometimes, the timing is not right for the energy to be released and we just need to feel it, sit in it and accept it, rather than resist it.
When we practice self-compassion and allow space for ourselves to do things that don’t always feel good, we learn what does feel good and we see the ‘f*#k ups’ as a gift of growth and expansion.
Through misalignment, we learn what alignment is.
So, don’t right yourself off if you do or say things you’re not proud of during this time of transition; hold yourself in love just as you would do for your best friend or child and view the experience for what it is; an opportunity for change and evolution and to do things differently next time.
5. Trust the process and trust yourself.
Understand that pain is a necessary part of your healing, growth, evolution and transformation. The very fact that you are allowing yourself to feel what is asking of you to be felt is progress.
In life, we are presented with spiritual storms and internal ‘shake-ups’ which offer us divine opportunities to transform our lives. Accept where you are right now whilst also inviting in new possibilities and implementing gradual, simple, nourishing practices and rituals where you can.
I have found that the simple exercise of writing down 5 things that I am grateful for in each day has helped immensely in shaping my perception positively and opening up my awareness in new ways.
When we are able to view everything as temporary and as progress in our journey, we understand that pain has a very significant place in the cycles of life.
Trust in your ability to ride it out and re-emerge on the other end with greater clarity, purpose, creativity and a whole new way of be-ing in the world.
Beautiful soul, I am still riding the waves of the storm with you at present; surrendering to an ocean of allowing and inviting pain in to my life to be something that is felt, embraced and accepted for a time.
We can learn to view pain as a thing that rises and falls; ebbs and flows; comes and goes.
We can take a patient and loving approach and hold ourselves in love and understanding through the wild storms in our life and find peace in the knowing that after the storm comes the rainbows and that beautiful revived, renewed and refreshed open feeling that accompanies it’s clearing.
It can be terrifying to move into unknown terrain in our lives but it can also be exhilarating, awakening and exciting.
It all depends on how we choose to perceive the current cycle we are in.
Wishing you love and light during this time in your life and future times of great transition and growth x
