The core needs and wounds of the feminine and how to begin to heal
As little girls and as women, our core needs are:
To feel SEEN and loved for all that we are and
To feel SAFE; emotionally, above all else
I work with many women who experience blockages in their capacity to trust men and to fully express themselves emotionally, mentally and sexually.
This almost always stems back to childhood. Most of our wounding stems back to childhood.
As little girls, we need to feel as though we are held and protected in love and safety by the masculine presence in our lives; this is often our father or whoever the main masculine presence is in our lives.
This can be difficult for men though because, for many years, men have been taught and conditioned to believe that their role is to provide safety and protection physically and financially; to provide a roof over their families heads and food on the table above all else.
What is often missed and not taught is the understanding that the need for safety and protection of their daughters and their wives extends far beyond that of physical and financial needs.
A little girl and a woman need, above all else, to feel emotionally safe, ‘seen’ and loved for all that they are.
To be held in safety and love through the cycles that make us ‘feminine’; the ups and downs and the complex emotions.
If a little girl feels unseen and unsafe emotionally, she will learn to guard and protect herself.
It is a natural reflex to attempt to provide that safety to herself, which may serve her at times but can also limit her in her capacity to fully trust and surrender to the masculine presence in later years.
She may develop a distrust of the masculine and repress the true essence of her feminine qualities.
She may experience disconnect with the men in her life because of this; emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually.
The man/ men she is with may not understand why this is and they will often pull back their energy also; because they do not know what else to do.
So how does the feminine begin to trust in the masculine and open herself up to him?
Self- awareness and self-observation is key. Understanding where your own unique blockages stem from is an important part of working through them. When we are aware of the things that cause rifts between where we are and where we want to be enables us to SEE why we do what we do, to understand our underlying beliefs and wounds and to communicate them with the person/ people we love so that we can begin to heal and grow together.
Talk to him (your partner/ the men in your life). Tell him/ they what you need. Men like to know what it is that we need most from them; they cannot read minds. What do you need to fully be able to express yourself and connect to them? Communicate this and be sure to ask what it is that he needs most from you within your relationship also. Meeting one another’s core needs is an important part of building a conscious relationship.
Do the ‘inner work’ that opens you up to new perceptions, shifts in your belief systems and the possibility of forgiveness of past hurts. Forgiveness isn’t really about the other person/ people that hurt you, it is about freeing yourself from the heaviness and suffering that comes with resentment and anger. Even if you cannot forgive, aim to become ‘impartial’ to it- “You may have done what you did but I will not allow you or the past to continue to have this hold on me”
Explore the concept of a ‘conscious relationship’ with your partner (current or future). This entails exploring one another’s needs, desires, hopes, dreams, fears, wounds and working together to lovingly grow as a team.
Spend time doing things that bring you joy and allow you to express yourself freely and creatively; especially the things that connect you to your feminine essence. Nature, play, self-care and creative expression are all part of this and open us up to a whole new acceptance and appreciation of self. Self-love comes first and foremost and when we truly love and accept ourselves for all that we are, we lead the way for others to treat us the same.
Allow the walls to fall and invite him to ‘hold you’. We do not need to ‘have it together’ all of the time. To be in touch with our feminine essence is to experience the cycles of being ‘woman’; the emotions, the storms; all of it. Invite him to hold you through those times by expressing where you’re at in your own cycle of life and allowing him to provide safety. Men need to feel like men and part of this is to provide women with what they need; often they are just unsure how to do this and we make the mistake of not telling them. If it’s a hug, some solitude or a conversation, allow it and ask for it.
There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to healing our wounds; it requires inner work. Complete perception shifts. Trust and surrender.
If you are in a relationship where the man is simply not open to supporting you in your healing, holding you through it and growing together, then this can be extremely difficult and may require a different approach.
However, we do get to choose how to live our lives and how to view our experiences.
Having the knowledge and self-awareness of the needs of the feminine and masculine and how to create, maintain and grow a conscious relationship is an important part of this process.
With knowledge, wisdom and awareness comes transformation and freedom.
Wishing you all the best on your journey beautiful soul.
Feel free to reach out if you’d like some more personalised support in this area- hello@aleciajade.com
xx
